The Alphabet Challenge: 'H'

I'm Southern. I was born in Georgia, raised in Florida and Georgia, and I don't like most of the food that the South is known for. Deserts are pretty much the only part of the Southern cuisine I enjoy and, luckily for me, that's a big part of our food pyramid. Pies are one of the gifts of the South that the rest of the world (and I) can appreciate and mini pies are at the height of this culture... plus they're just too cute to resist~ I sought out a recipe for a batch of blueberry handpies that will make my blueberry-aficionado father frolic with delight. In my hunt, I found this recipe (http://www.pastryaffair.com/blog/2011/7/3/blueberry-hand-pies.html) by Kristin Rosenau from Pastry Affair and I actually stuck to this one, this time. It's a beautiful recipe and the only thing I disliked was how leaky they were. I'm sure there's a way to get around that, but my pies were surrounded with bubbly juices that solidified into a fun gummy blueberry mess that I spent too much time playing with... I turned it into a thumb glove! It was great! But I'll probably make this with peaches next time and seal the edges more forcefully. Overall, brilliant, trustworthy, delicious, and not the most complicated mini pie recipe I've ever tried. While fresh and warm, I even forgot that I don't like blueberries~

Peace, love, and fruit-gloves,
Auzzy

P.S. if you ever get grief from a pie crust, just SCRAP it. Stop, Control your anger, Roll it up, Allow it to cool down in the fridge, and be Patient. You'll save the crust and a few brain cells.

The Alphabet Challenge: 'G'

I'm modest in just about everything; I'm downright un-compliment-able. But I will be completely honest here: I have perfected the art of the grilled cheese sandwich. Yeah, I said it. And you know what? It's not even that big of an achievement. Just preheat a panini press or a frying pan and grab some margarine/butter spread, bread, and whatever meltable cheese you find tasty and you can probably make a killer grilled cheese RIGHT NOW (I know this is lame, but I needed a 'G' word and I already have 'H' ready to publish. Plus, some preteens might not know how to make a quick, cheap lunch so I could be saving a life). First, very carefully smear a conservative layer of butter one side of each slice of bread. This will be the outside of the sandwich. The butter helps the bread to brown and crisp before the bread dries out like toast. Now, I like brown mustard inside my grilled cheese just because it keeps it from tasting too rich, so this is the point where I would spread on a thin layer of mustard. Many people don't realize that a grilled cheese is the perfect way to utilize leftovers. Anything that can be laid flat on a piece of bread is fair game, so don't stick to the usual deli ham. I've made a grilled cheese with caramelized onions and blue cheese (on top of swiss, not just blue cheese), tomato slices, kale, and, in my meat-eating days, leftover steak. You certainly have room to get creative. Now, before your bread starts burning, set the cheese slices on one slice of bread and add your fantastic little toppings onto that slice. Without burning your fingers, top the cheese-bread with the other piece of bread (crispy side up) and flip it so the cheese can saturate the chunky stuff on top of it. Brown both sides to your preference and transfer to a plate to cut it on the diagonal and serve/consume before it gets cold!

Peace, love, and lazy-food,
Auzzy

P.S. Don't set your kitchen/clothes/hair on fire and don't burn anything, including your hands. Don't eat too many of these because you'll get fat/fatter. Don't put pasta/rice/any other grains on it because I can pretty much guarantee that it'll be yuck.

The Alphabet Challenge: 'F'

I am a bit peeved. The salsa and dips industry is way too big and too many people are copping out and buying salsa in a jar. It's a waste of money; just grow/ buy some tomatoes, an onion, a chili of your choice (usually jalapeños), cilantro, and limes, and everyone will say "wow! that's like, the best salsa I've ever had!" All you have to do is chop up some plants and season to taste. Fresh salsa is probably the most frequently made concotion in my house during the summer, when the tomatoes in my mother's garden take up half a crisper drawer and 2 hungry teenage girls and an untold number of friends snack all day. My recipe is as easy as boiling water and I'm sharing it with you RIGHT NOW because it's no secret. 

Fresh Salsa:

3 tomatoes (diced to your preference)

1 onion (yellow is fine, but I prefer red)

Juice 1 or 2 limes, depending on size and flavor

about 2 tablespoons chopped cilantro (fresh)

Chili of your choice, I always use jalapeños (jalapeño guide at the bottom of the page)

Salt

a dribble of apple cider vinegar or red wine vinegar

I'm a bit obsessive about the size of my tomato chunks, so I squeeze about half of the tomato juice-guts and seeds into the bowl and, using my favorite sharper-than-blue-cheese chef's knife and dice/pulverize the tomatoes with the rocking technique. After all the tomatoes are diced, I cut the onion in half and french both halves. Then, once again, I rock the knife over all the slices until they're even smaller than the tomato pieces. For the cilantro, you guessed it, rock that knife until the cilantro is mowed down finer than fine and mix it in, followed by as much lime juice you think it needs; I usually start off with a whole one and taste. This is where I also salt and vinegar the salsa, because it's just more convenient to do it before getting capsaicin all over your hands. I'm a wimp and my skin is delicate, so I wear vinyl gloves while mincing/touching/thinking about chilis, for fear of repeating my Burning Finger-tips Fiasco of 2011 (I had jalapeño juices on my hands and, when I was getting into the shower, the steam made my pores open up and absorb all the capsaicin. I felt like I had 2nd degree burns on my hands for the rest of the night, even after soaking them in cold milk). So put on some gloves and either remove the ribs and seeds and dice it OR take a tip from Jamie Oliver (on of my favorite TV chefs) and zest that chili for an evenly dispersed spice throughout the whole bowl. Take a final taste test, cover, and chill for a little bit for the flavors to get married and start a family. Serve with your favorite tortilla chips and impress your friends! 

Peace, love, and capsaicin burns,

Auzzy~

Jalapeño Guide:

Jalapeños can be tricky little fruit to understand, so I've compiled everything I know about them in one little blip of a paragraph so that you can get the basic idea. Jalapeños get hotter as they age, so the theory is that, as with women, you can judge their age by looking at their wrinkles and skin color. Yes, jalapeños wrinkle. To choose a hotter pepper, shoot for a pepper with a healthy amount of wrinkles and as much redness as possible. For a more mild pepper, go for a firm, green young thing without a blush in sight. No matter what heat you're looking for, scrub your peppers with warm water and maybe a non-toxic soap to remove pests and pesticides and be very careful about what you touch: hint, if you wear contact lenses, you'll definitely want to wear some gloves. Happy hunting~

The Alphabet Challenge: 'E'

Yes, I am of the Order of the Vegetable Perfectionists. As a foodie gone vegetarian, I won't settle for poorly-executed vegetation. So it's only natural for me to take a vegetable that I have never liked, eggplant, and turn it into something I'd enjoy. During my trip to California (which was incredible) we made a stop at Macaroni Grill and I tried the first eggplant parmigiana that I have ever wanted to consume (it was beautiful) and as soon as we came home, I had to try recreating it; it's remarkably simple. I rinsed and sliced the eggplant in a few 1/2 inch thick slices and froze the rest (I'm the only vegetarian in the house). I oiled, salted, and peppered the slices and threw them in the oven or 7 minutes (or until soft, depending on how thick you slice it). Then I pulled them out, dredged the slices in egg whites and breadcrumbs seasoned with Parmesan cheese and some dried herbs, then let them crisp up in the oven until the breadcrumbs are browned. I also breaded some chicken breasts for the rest of my family (no egg whites necessary) and baked until the thickest part of the meat reads 165 degrees Fahrenheit. If the bottom sides are soggy-looking, flip halfway through so that the underside can crisp as well. Once you're satisfied with the crispiness of your eggplant/chicken, place a thin slice of fresh mozzarella on each and set them under the broiler until bubbly. As for the pasta and sauce, I'm not giving away my secrets just yet~

Peace, love, and non-health-food veggies,
Auzzy

The Alphabet Challenge: 'D'

This post is wayyy overdue. All hail the "drunken" bananas foster muffins! About 3 weeks ago, I made these banana nut muffins (http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/tyler-florence/banana-nut-muffins-recipe/index.html), but I wanted to make them a little special. First off, I used walnuts instead of pecans. Not that I have anything against pecans; I just had walnuts on hand. Then I thought "Bananas are ok, but you know what's better? Bananas Foster. And you know what's more fun than just baking regular old muffins? Baking them and then hitting them with a flame torch. That's right. I'm burning muffins," and that is how these little drunkards were conceived. To make this already-perfectly-fine recipe Auzz-esque, simply add a table spoon of creme de banana and a table spoon of your darkest rum (or your parents' darkest run, if your like me and you're 16) instead of vanilla (which is booze anyway). (Yes, my parents let me cook/bake with alcohol because I'm trustworthy and I don't have friends to take advantage of it. I feel that being around alcohol and allowed to use it as an ingredient instead of as a form of recreation has made me less susceptible to peer pressure. Plus I don't want to drink) Then, instead of just a half cup of walnuts, I threw the half cup into the batter and then, after pouring it into the muffin tins, I topped them with a tasty little crust of halved nuts and oats. After baking, I then drizzled a syrup made of dark rum and brown sugar and made a light crust of brown sugar and torched the top to form a flambéed crust that made the whole creation taste just like the bananas foster pancakes that I make for special occasions. 

He's a little tipsy

Then wait overnight for all the alcohol to evaporate if you are underage, all though the alcohol incorporated wouldn't be enough to give anyone even a hint of a buzz. It's just for flavor. Please don't email me calling me an alcoholic with bad parents. It's a muffin, not a keg of beer. I challenge you to make my parents feel bad for this. 


Peace, love, and bad photography,
Auzzy

The Alphabet Challenge "C"

Chocolate Souffles:
I was going to save this post for tomorrow, but I'm MUCH too excited. Yes, I've come across something so incredibly sexy that I must summon all of my strength to not freak out as I type. I have made chocolate souffles and I am proud. These puffy little brown pillows have captured my imagination and I sit here dreaming up all of the glorious things I could make into a souffles; berries and herbs and flavors are floating through my mind on rivers of whipped egg whites. Before this gets obscene, I should give you he recipe (http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/chocolate-souffles-recipe/index.html) by the trustworthy crew in the salt mines known as the Food Network Kitchens. Yes, I made changes (shame on me) but I was only serving 4 so I did a half recipe, after reading that it makes about 18 ounces of batter when split and I was using 4 ounce ramekins. Now, if you read the recipe you'll see that it only calls for 1/2 a teaspoon of freshly squeezed lemon juice. Half of a half of a teaspoon is a quarter of a teaspoon and that's smaller than a rat's tushy. I know that we're only on 'C' and we don't know each other that well, but I am NOT about to cut and juice an entire, beautiful lemon just for a 1/4 teaspoon of juice. So instead, I used a 1/4 teaspoon of Cream of Tartar and a pinch of salt to beautify the chocolate flavors (which the recipe left out). Other than that, I did my best to follow the recipe. I'm not exactly an expert on egg-whipping technique but the detailed instructions were written to help the intermediate bakers such as myself to make sure that we know what to look for. I was good up until the term "ribbon stage" so I looked it up and found this nice video by Z's cup of Tea and it shows what exactly "ribbon stage" means (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CIw9xAjqDA). I appreciated the notes, so don't skip to the end, if you can help it. Zoe is pretty helpful in technique-stuff so I recommend sifting through her other videos and her blog. Finally, in the recipe it says you can butter the ramekins ahead of time BUT I put mine in the freezer for about 10 minutes while I whipped the egg yolks and melted the chocolate and the "crust" came out perfectly. My mother said the crust was the best part and I have to agree with her on that. It added a bit of texture to an otherwise soft, moist gloopy thing. She also likened it to a brownie-cloud, which I thought was an accurate description. MAKE THESE. You know you want  to~

Peace, love, and chocolate,
Aubrey~

The Alphabet Challenge "B"

Black and Blue Burgers:
I may be a vegetarian, but the one thing I miss most from the meat-circle of world-changing culinary achievements is, of course, burgers. I have always loved burgers and I have missed them so much so that I go out of my way to make the perfect black bean burger patties and freeze them for a rainy day. My favorite recipe in the wide world is this one (http://annies-eats.com/2011/06/22/black-bean-burgers/) from Annnie's Eats and my only changes are normal breadcrumbs instead of panko (because, really, who keeps panko in their pantry?) and a few jarred jalapeños for some extra pizzaz. And, of course, caramelized onions and blue cheese never hurt anything~


Peace, love, and jalapeños,
Aubrey~